Ok. I've had enough. I'm exhausted. I've heard many a time that your early twenties are the perfect time to be single, and all in all I'm generally happy bopping along as a singleton. I can have a perfect's night sleep without the occasional elbow bashing me in the face, I can do what I like when I like with no need to compromise, I can go for weeks without shaving and waxing if I want to channel my inner yeti and flirt outrageously with a plethora of good looking chaps if I so please. But, alas, the grass does seem greener sometimes, and for some reason I find myself on dating apps such as Tinder now and then looking for dates, swiping poor souls left or right in a matter of seconds, judging them for a whole host of reasons, some of which are probably irrational and entirely misguided. Shock horror I'm still single.
21st century dating apps have opened my eyes to a few things. I'm referencing Tinder on this occasion as it is the dating app I have the most experience with. Whilst I have been on a handful of successful dates thanks to my good friend Tindy, I have also become frustrated and bored with modern day dating through the likes of apps. First things first, my god am I fussy! Whether a strong proportion of fitties are simply lacking in my neck of the woods, or whether they simply do not bother with tiresome apps such as Tinder (good on you if that's the case, but please tell me how to otherwise find you...) I find myself agog at the amount of ridiculous and undesirable men that pop up on my Tinder. I am in sheer dismay at the modern day men who try to woo you with photos of themselves partially clad on a dingey looking sofa, a smarmy yet surprisingly confident look spread across their faces. Do men genuinely think dick pics make us weak at the knees? It's not pretty. More to the fact that Tinder links up to your Facebook profile - do you really flaunt your one-eyed wondered about for all to see? Surely not... One profile photo which comes to mind is that of a French gentleman sat cross-legged in the bath, totally starkers aside from a small rubber duck covering his (obviously small, and I imagine somewhat shrivelled) penis. Maybe it's all a huge joke, or maybe they're just being ironic, but when you want to take the dating app thing a bit seriously this type of profile just leaves you hopeless, depressed and fearful of the weird shit that people are into these days, let alone the bad humour...
You have to take into consideration deal-breaking attributes and say a swift bye bye to anyone that doesn't meet up to the fundamental criteria of what you find attractive, I for one would class such attributes as a non-smoker, someone who isn't covered from eyeball to bollock in terrible tattoos, someone who has all of their own teeth (and hair), and someone who is at least 6 foot tall (5"11 at a push, 5"10 maybe if your face looks like it's been carved from the Gods...). The more dismal and lacking your matches become however you start debating whether you should lower your standards, the answer to which of course should always be no (if your standards are relatively rational that is).
When by some stroke of luck you do finally match with someone who has got great potential, after having decided that they look pretty normal in their photos following close scrutiny of every one of them (let's face it we've all been there - is he a dwarf or is his friend absurdly tall? Wow he looks fit in that first photo but weird in the second, oh god he's pouting, abort abort!!) a conversation is the next step. I'm not the kind of girl who'll never start a conversation first, if I like the look of you and want to start chatting to you then I will. But herein lies the problem with modern dating apps like Tinder. It's likely that you (and they)'ve got multiple chats going down at the same time. If I've got a few matches following a swiping sesh I simply get bored saying hello by the time I've reached the 5th match for example. I'll start to feel sassy and think you know what? Maybe this guy should make the first move if he's genuinely really interested.
Multiple chats make me start to find polite conversation openers particularly tedious and so I lose interest, I long for a convo starter that will make me laugh and roll my eyes when it's the same old "hey!", but that's not neccessarily my match's fault - we're all just getting too sassy and bored with the Tinder process to use it properly every time. Matches from months ago still lay festering on our profiles with neither party having said a word, and by that point you look like a right weirdo if you say something that long after matching, unless you can make some sort of excellently witty joke about it of course.
Tinder bores us all to death because the excitement that we'd feel connecting with someone who we're genuinely attracted to in real life is totally and utterly snubbed by the fact that there's so many other people on the scene. Just imagine that scenario outside of the virtual world. You're chatting away on a hot date and things are going swimmingly, but then a couple of other guys turn up who are just as good looking and who also meet your basic criteria. They perhaps butt in and start chatting to you and you think ooh, (as your ego secretly fistpumps) better keep my options open, multiple conversations surely means more chance of success. However, they're thinking the same thing and before you know it they're off chatting to other people too (if they bother to make the first move that is!) and you're all simply left with too many options, too much choice. This completely and utterly kills the sense of excitement and focus you'd get one to one.
After a few months in Tinder remission, whereby I deleted it (losing some damn good matches must I add, *sobs*) before reinstalling it again (I know, so weak...) I recently succumbed to the temptation once more. I went back on it to kill some time, having been forced to delete Candy Crush on my phone due to lack of storage space - (it was soul crushing) and have just been, well, disappointed. I got a few matches but let's be honest here, we've all fallen out of love with Tinder. It's novelty has worn off and we only continue to swipe because a) we like the ego boost if we match with a hottie and b) what else can you do when you're on the loo, eh?
I've decided that Tinder's mostly useful when used to cement a mutual interest with someone you've had the hots for and seen in real life. It's also very very useful when you want to do some anthrolopological research on how people present themselves... or if you just want to have a good laugh at people's moronic profiles, is it so much better when we don't take it so seriously? I have Tinder to thank for a friends-with-benefits scenario that was certainly great fun while it lasted at uni, and whilst I've had successful dates on Tinder with people I've not known (some great ones in fact), nothing has ever amounted to a relationship. Friends of mine have found love on Tinder and are in successful relationships, so I know it can be done, but Tinder isn't exciting anymore, and so I, like a lot of people, am very half-hearted when using it.
Maybe I'll just relish in being single for the time being and simply stop looking for love on dating apps in the hopes that one day I'll be snapped off of the singleton shelf when I least expect it. That is, if we can all remember how to (and have the balls to) ask each other out on dates in the real world without the security-blanket knowledge of a "match".
What are your thoughts on dating apps and Tinder? Tell me in the comments below!